As told by Virtue:
She should have known I was coming after her. It was only a matter of time before we were in a collision. There was no way she could carry the Comfort of her past into being this Virtue.
Of a woman, she even admits that the moment her pastor preached, it seemed as if there were no one else in the room with an exception to God. As if, He wanted to pry open the barriers of what she buried. So, she hid ‘em.
She didn't know; she thought she was only going to acknowledge the hidden secrets and keep it moving. She had no idea that God was going to have me confront them, head-on, forcing a Holy collision of two worlds, colliding into a supernatural atomic bomb.
She didn’t know. She walked out of church, the following weeks and months, thinking everything's ok, and the battle’s over. Little did she know the ground of which He wanted to sow into was being tended to. Plowed and ripped apart. The foundation she once believed in, obliterated. The only way I can describe it, is a Holy collide.
Just imagine, wanting to walk into the virtue of a woman you are called to be, yet stuck in the comfort of your past. There's no way the two can reside; one must GO….
I no longer wanted to be the pretentious imagination of her potential. I wanted to become her, all of her. Too many lives are attached to the purpose and plan God has for her, so I had to annihilate the world she was living in. She was comfortable, and that was the problem, so I confronted her. She must understand that in order to become the virtue THIS woman she must let go of her comfort and embrace the uncomfortable.
As told by Comfort:
I wonder if someone can see me screaming, panicking, crying for help. I turn to God, but the silence from His mouth is eerie, I’m not used to this. I feel as if I’m optional, it almost seems as if my time is running out. I want to scream, but I’m afraid. Will my vulnerability tell on me? Will my secrets be revealed?
– Better yet, I think I have a solution. I can put on better façade. I know the scriptures well. I mean, I can preach but do I really have to live it out? I know God said He'd make all things new, but does that include me? – It can't be. If I hold on a little while longer, I can fix this. It can be as if I erased it, though I've suppressed it. She doesn't need to confront it. She should ignore this area a little while longer. If I keep quiet, fear just might go away. I don't want conflict; she can walk in silence and eventually this might disappear. Magically insecurities might turn into victories and then… I can finally walk confidently. Right?
Why can’t she fiercely walk for the Lord and not worry about the hidden truths? Oh, how I wish that were possible…
Who would have thought that the contents of what I buried so well would appear during a time such as this? I thought I'd done such a great job masking fear, hurt and insecurities. It seems as if the purposed me, is confronting the very root of me. However, the comfort of this identity does not want to reveal my vulnerabilities. Oh, how the spirit and the flesh are at enmity, causing a collide of things.
As told by Me:
Imagine, waking up in the middle of a battlefield, not realizing just nights before you declared war. I thought it was only a small prophecy while I was looking in the mirror declaring things. I had no idea the Virtue of me, spoke to the Comfort me. She took charge with full authority. She told her, God was after the secret things. God was after the very image of me. I thought I was just affirming me. Little did I know, I paved a way, for my two worlds to collide. A catastrophe. God wanted to wreck all of me. I wanted to let Him.
I was afraid. I’ve lived so long in this shell that I’ve formed. I created an identity that I thought fit me perfectly. I had no idea that I couldn’t take this mask with me. Sure, God enlisted me. I planned to lug this false identity, but God stopped me and showed me the REAL ME. She’s packed powerfully, originally how God intended me to be. She didn’t carry a mistaken identity, she was sure and confidently walked in authority. As I looked back, I saw shrunken me, afraid of her date with destiny. She knew her time was up; it was only a matter of manifesting physically. I was ready for these two worlds to meet. I was excited to become all that God intended me to be.
HOWEVER! I've been in spiritual battles numerous times, but no one told me that this one, concerning identity, was going to be a fight that would literally wreck me. My friend told me to be ready, but I don't even think she knew what was in stores for me. I'm screaming out for God to help me, but He's silently watching me, searching the inner parts of me. If you'd ask me, I feel as if I'm being stretched beyond capacity . It's like there's two parts of me: one walks in authority, the other in timidity. And then there's me. The person everyone sees, trying to walk confidently as if Galatians 5:17 is not being fulfilled within me. The flesh and the Spirit are warring inside me, so much that it's affecting me physically. I've lost a head full of hair, my weight is constantly changing, my skin, well.... that's beyond me, but these headaches and chest pains are killing me. Then I hear…
Let me speak. Don't dear think for one second; I have left thee. I will be with thee: for I have said, ‘I will not fail, thee nor forsake thee.’ But you lied to me, you said you gave me your whole heart, but you kept something from me. I'm after what you've hidden from me.
Your very purpose is buried in your identity, so I must reshape thee. What you’re going through is for the purpose I have given you. You’re going to bear much fruit, so I must keep pruning you. Continue to abide in ME, and I will comfort thee.
Yes, I know this is affecting you physically, but you must trust Me. Stop going to the doctors; they can't see what I see spiritually. Don't worry I'm fixing everything. You've lost hair because tho needest thy crown placed properly. And tho weight, I‘m increasing thee. Your skin will glow as if your bathing in milk and honey. Your chest is killing thee because I’m turning your heart back towards me – completely. And those headaches don’t worry they'll be gone shortly, that false image you've created is at enmity with me. – Think of it as the parable of the wineskins. I cannot pour new anointing into your old flesh. Otherwise, you will burst. For you don't have the capacity to bear what I am pouring into thee. For this new wine, I am giving thee requires a new wineskin. Fear not, for I am reshaping thee.
Many of us, if not all of us struggle and deal with internal conflict of some sort. For me, it was carrying an identity that did not belong to me. As a defense mechanism, I've learned how to mask a lot to the point that I believed what the world was feeding me. However, the love of Jesus, has allowed me to confront every area of my life that either needed to be uprooted or corrected. As it stands, this was not, and is not an easy process. Just imagine, wanting to walk into the virtue of a woman you are called to be yet stuck in the comfort of your past? There's no way the two can reside; one must go! - That's when the awareness of inner conflict begins. As you realize that your mind must be renewed, and growth is inevitable, you could be in a spiritual fight where the desire of growth is there, but the thoughts of facing what's been holding you back seem so much stronger. As part of growth and maturity I’ve dared to share only but a glimpse of what I've dealt with, in doing so, I realized that many are going through the same struggles!
I pray my testimony encourage you to share and grow from your journey!
Until Next time,
Stay Blessed, Stress Less, Read your Bible
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